Anniversaries (or maybe it was the 4th!!)

Tomorrow it's September the 3rd, 2015.

It's an anniversary. A HUGE one. Two years ago, on that day, I was dying. And not slowly dying, that had been going on during the previous months. On the 3rd of September 2013 I stepped out of a door and my soul, my spirit simply crushed in pieces and disappeared. There's no easy way out of such situations and, anyway, I am the worst at going out of such situations. I died and walked the next year or so as a soulless spirit.

Still today I can feel the desperation of that day. Everybody feels and reacts differently, everybody is strong in some situations and weak in others. On that day I could not stand. My legs could not withstand my weight. Nothing in my life before and nothing after (up until now, of course) felt so hard to pass through. I felt so crushed that I could not breath and simply take the next step was something I still consider the biggest achievement of my life.

That happened exactly two years ago, minus one day.

Tomorrow, September the 3rd, 2015, I am going to sign the contract to buy an apartment in beautiful, cold, wet, amazing Amsterdam (thank you whores and drugs! Thanks Obama!. Tomorrow, without thinking about it, without working to make it happen, I will officially start a new life. That's a neat coincidence, a strange one.

Tomorrow, thanks to my parents, to friends near and far, to girls (yes, always girls!) met and lost, I can say that the next step is less of a burden, less of a painful stab, as it was before. Thanks to hands that patted me on the back, thanks to blue eyes that reminded me that love somewhere still existed (even if maybe is not corresponded, but who cares) the road ahead is still hard, and I know I still and forever fill the loss of that 3rd of September 2013, but...

Roads go ever ever on,
Over rock and under tree,
By caves where never sun has shone,
By streams that never find the sea;
Over snow by winter sown,
And through the merry flowers of June,
Over grass and over stone,
And under mountains in the moon.
Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star,
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.
[J.R.R. Tolkien]

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